An American Dream

The sun was high, Ray was sitting on the porch overlooking his freshly mowed lawn, sipping a beer, admiring his hardwork. He was feeling as fresh as his lawn, it had rained the night before and he could see the dew glistening on each blade of grass. Maya would be back from school soon, he had to fix her some lunch, Anita would be back later from work, and Ray needed to get the laundry done before then, fold the clothes just as Anita liked. To kill time, he started counting the blades of grass, he reached 1500 before he dozed. That’s when the nightmare started.

Ray had been a successful investment banker on Wall Street, he lost his job during the financial crisis, but he had earned and saved enough to not ever worry about work or money, besides Anita was a successful, highly paid marketing executive. Their marriage was practically the most perfect marriage there could ever have been. When Ray was starting out with his career, Anita worked at the local hospital as a nurse and helped Ray through business school. When Ray started his job, Anita took some time off and with Ray’s help pursued her masters. She then took some time off to have Maya. That was 8 years ago. Once out of labor, Anita had wanted to kick-start her career and easily found a job at a digital marketing company. They loved each other, holidayed every year biking through various European countries. They lived a good life until the accident. Nobody had gotten hurt, was a miraculous escape for all three. But Ray had been getting these nightmares.

The nightmares almost always began with Ray sitting on his porch staring at a full moon and hearing a scream. The shriek always disturbed Ray. An unhealthy animal yell as disturbing as fingernails being forcibly dragged through the rustiest iron piecing through the silent as Stillwater night.

He woke up swathed in sweat, the bell had been ringing for a while. ‘Must be Maya’ Ray thought, snapped out of his semi-shivering reverie.

“How was school today, munchkin?”

“Was good daddy, I aced my math quiz thanks to you”

“Oh was good too, sweetie, finished the lawn and now planning to build the tree house you always wanted, should be done in a month, you can have a slumber party with your friends soon”

“Thanks Daddy, ok see you later” Maya grabbed her sandwich and ran up to her bedroom to play her PS3 and text with her friends. Ray was sad. The same cursory meaningless conversations, when had his little girl stopped conversing with him as if he was the most important person in her life, asking questions. He remembered the time when he used to be annoyed by Maya’s endless questions “Which is bigger five miles or five pounds, why is the world round, why this why that”, at the time he wanted these questions to end, now he missed them.

“I wonder why Maya doesn’t talk to me”, he told Anita

“Don’t know Ray, maybe this is just part of her growing up”

“But she talks to you all the time”

“Oh, that’s just girl talk, anyway did you see about the job my friend recommended?”

“Oh, that? No not interested”

“Not interested in that job or just not interested in working anymore, you used to be different Ray.”

“Anita, we have enough money to last till I have grand children, plus you earn good money, why do you want me to work?”

“So that you don’t sit at home all day”

Just like that, no recognition for the mowed lawn or the neatly laundered clothes. Ray tried a different tack “So have been meaning to talk about our next trip, when do you think you can get some time off?”

“Sorry honey not this year, its an important year, my promotion is up, need to make sure I meet our targets, your little wifey can soon be president of the child care division”

“Okay, do you want to walk a little, would be good to get out of this house”

“Sorry Ray, have a meeting tomorrow at 8:00 a.m. with a very important client need to go to sleep now”

Maya was in her bedroom doing what an 8 year old would do, Anita was fast asleep and Ray was afraid of sleeping, so he took his beer out to the porch to pursue his newly acquired pastime – shooting squirrels with a bb gun. “Any squirrel wanting a juicy ripe tomato in Ray’s backyard is going to meet his maker.”

The scream again shattered through the night in his dream. He followed the direction of the scream, all he could see were silhouettes a hand raised, some blunt instrument  and the outline of a small head in the shed behind his house, he raced out the backdoor of the kitchen across the backyard through to the shed, the scream stopped. Ray woke up with a splitting headache.

The next day morning, sipping coffee he wanted somebody to speak to “Anita, you know about my nightmares? Think they have changed, its no longer just the scream but I saw shadows and…”

Anita looked up from her copy of the Journal, “Oh really, honey, why don’t you see a doctor. Anyway,  have to go now bye” she kissed his forehead and left in her Porsche 911 convertible.

Ray thought to himself, “This would never have happened when I was working, when I was the toast of Wall Street, I had Anita eating at my every words, hey I am still the guy who bought this house, bought the SUV for Anita why am I being treated like a pet and why am I not driving my Porsche”

Ray went to the doctor, got a prescription for his headache and went back to his daily routine – doing nothing. He had meant to work on the tree house, but was a little sedated and dozed off over a glass of beer.

This time the nightmare was more vivid, it began with the shrieking and Ray running through to the door of the shed in his backyard, he still saw the silhouettes, but he could make out from the shapes a tall,  graceful, feline figure arching over a smaller round figure. The blunt instrument was in the taller figure’s hand constantly striking the smaller figure and he saw it all till the shrieking stopped. This time Ray was woken up by Maya, “Daddy, can I get 100 dollars, need to go out to the mall with my friends”

“Let me see, should have some money in my wallet” all he had was 20 dollars and some change. “Sorry sweetie, need to go to the bank and withdraw some money can you make do with 20 today?”

“Oh, daddy, you are so useless, I will look so cheap in front of my friends now, cant wait for mommy to get home”

After Maya walked away in a huff, Ray reflected on his life, “Where had it all gone wrong, what am I doing wrong, why does no one like me, why am I not important enough, why don’t my wife and daughter respect me, why do I have these dreams”

Another night of restless sleep, was almost a relief when Ray couldn’t sleep, at least he didn’t have to deal with the nightmares. He was reminded of a line from his favorite book, “The horror, the horror”. He had a feeling he knew who those figures were, but didn’t want to say or think it out loud.

It was Anita’s day off. [Insert language from Anita and Ray]

The dream had progressed further, he had a bb gun in hand now, he ran even faster to the shed, and opened the door and saw Anita hunched over limp, lifeless Maya. “You don’t hurt my little girl and get away with it you ____. ” He aimed his bb gun at her…Ray woke up the headache was worse than before, Anita wasn’t in her bed. As he went down the staircase to get a glass of water and his medicine, he heard hushed tones. “I don’t know how to say it to Ray, Tom, but we have seemed to reach a dead end, I only feel guilt when I see him lounging in the house doing nothing, he was a man before and now he just seems so domesticated, I think he needs help”.

Tears welled up in Ray’s eyes, involuntarily, “I am not a man? I created this family, why is Anita doing this to me?”. Most of all he was afraid Anita would take Maya along with her, the thought of Maya growing up not being aware of the man Ray was, not respecting him, being a mere footnote in her life was a thought which Ray couldn’t bear. Anita had loved him once, now he was just an embarrassment, a mere distraction from her life which she so desperately wanted to get on with. Ray had been afraid of going to sleep but now he was even more afraid to face his life. “Maybe Anita is right”, with a new resolve Ray reached up to his medical cabinet.

It took Anita and the neighbors the whole morning to breakdown the shed. They found Ray lying down on his back, his eyes staring peacefully into the darkness of the wooden beams, a faint smile across his face. Anita and Maya left the house that day, the house Ray had built, the house of so many happy memories. But they were too saddened by an act of willful wantonness from a man they had loved, admired and respected so much to continue living in it.

Ray was closer to the screams than before, but this time he knew exactly what to do, he opened the door switch on the light, placed the BB gun on his left shoulder. He was confident. Ray could hit a running squirrel from ten yards away and Anita was but an easy target. His fingers tightly wound around the trigger, he approached Anita as she was about to strike Maya. Anita stopped and looked. Her’s bewildered look brought a faint amusement in his face. He had wanted to ask why, but to what end? It would not make him a man. So before he could ask what Anita was doing, before Anita could time to respond, he pulled the trigger. The bullet hit Anita between the eyes. Anita slumped to the ground lifeless instantly, the bewilderment transfixed in her eyes. He went down to Maya, freed her from the chains that Anita had so cruelly tied his baby girl in. Maya hugged him tight. The sunrays gently wafted in through the broken window panes of the garden shed and a beatific smile passed over Ray. He was happy, too bad Anita couldn’t be a part of his life anymore but he was the man of the house again.